Adolescent Guys and Lust
Over the last two years my student ministry has undergone a subtle shift with profound implications. We have started to de-centralize our focus on large group programming and put a larger emphasis on mentoring students in small, one-on-one, one-on-three, etc. formats. Over the last two years I have watched guys struggle mightily with guilt and shame over their sexuality. I remember feeling the same way at their age. The Church, though maybe not intentionally, has largely communicated that sex is a taboo subject unless you are married. Though we say sex is a pure creation of God many male students feel that they are dirty and shameful for having sexual urges and thoughts.
I recently read a book written by my current professor, Dr. Steve Gerali, in which he states, “Guys receive vague and typically negative messages about sexual thought that are bondage producing. This bondage puts guys in turmoil over who they are, who they think they should be, and who they want to be as men.” He goes on to say, “Because we are sexual, our brains become the primary sex organ. Sexual thinking is a normal byproduct of how God created us to be sexually good.” Teenage guys are hardwired for sexual thought, yet they struggle to discern between this natural creation of God and the command to not lust.
This is sad but true, which is why this is important
Practically speaking, I tend to agree with Gerali that there is a difference between sexual thought and lust, but where the line actually is can be troublesome and difficult to discern. Where is this line? Gerali commands us to be, “honest with guys and describe how they’ll be prone to follow a sexual line of thinking, but it may not be considered lusting. Then we have to teach guys to rely on the power and leading of the Holy Spirit to direct them.” I think the Holy Spirit is the key ingredient.
Often the Church propagates the myth that we can control lust by simply controlling the situations where lust will occur. Instead of teaching students how to take on the mind of Christ and rely heavily on the Holy Spirit, we teach them to get rid of computers, not watch certain movies, and avoid any dating situation that could lead to inappropriate thought. Though at times all of these responses can be appropriate steps to take, it misses the point. Students need more than a list of “do’s and “do not’s”. They need to be taught how to move from concrete to abstract thought that involves a reliance on Christ, the Bible, and the Holy Spirit for guidance. Instead of throwing around guilt and shame for “lust” without any further teaching, we need to show them how to guard their minds in a Biblical way.
In closing I want to make it abundantly clear that I believe that lust is wrong and there most certainly is such a thing as inappropriate sexual thought; however, teaching that statement to a male student and leaving it at that is simply not enough. We need to teach about lust in a way that is free from guilt and condemnation. This teaching brings life and freedom instead of bondage and shame.
previous posts in this series:
Sex, Fear, Misinformation, and One Really Big God
What Do the Birds and the Bees Have to Do With Anything?
A Student’s Take on the “Sex Talk”
