Monthly Archives: February 2012

February 29, 2012

Let’s Talk About Dating – Part 1

By Ben Denen

I have spent several recent posts in a series called “Let’s Talk About Sex” because sexuality is a huge component of adolescent development. It is an awkward topic that we are often afraid to approach with teens. Sex and sexual behavior, however, are not the only things students need to talk about when it comes to their sexuality. Don’t get me wrong, I very much believe in the importance of these subjects, but as our students are navigating the murky waters of adolescents they are also discovering how to relate to the opposite sex. This is scary, exciting, and downright fun for students.

I think that the Church has taken abstinence too far. What I mean by this is that I believe that fear has driven ministries to latch onto the trend of teaching students to abstain from dating. Many ministries go as far as to abstain from the subject all-together. Why is this bad? Well, students are dating. We may not like it. We may be scared by it. But that doesn’t change reality. Let’s look at the pro’s and con’s of dating starting with the con’s:

Con’s

Dating in America has changed drastically in the last five to ten years. Though sexual intercourse (vaginal intercourse to be specific) is declining, oral sex and other forms of “casual” sex are on the increase. According to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior oral sex has replaced vaginal sex as the primary form of sexual behavior among adolescents. This new approach to casual sex has turned the “going steady” approach to dating into the casual “hook-up” culture that we now find our students confronted with. Ideals of romance and commitment have been largely replaced by the instant gratification found in sex parties and “friends with benefits” relationships.

To go hand in hand with this, dating is becoming less about commitment and more about physical pleasure leading to shorter, less committed relationships. This has a correlation with the terrible divorce rates in America. Students are seeing their parents throw away marriages at an alarming rate which is teaching them to devalue their own relationships.

Another con of today’s dating scene is what we call the “Twilight Effect.” Now, I must confess that I have yet to read or watch the Twilight series, but this researched and documented phenomenon essentially is about misconceptions that teenage girls/guys are getting from the media of what “true love” really is. We will talk about that more in tomorrow’s post.

It is easy to understand why an increasing number of parents and youth leaders want to “throw the baby out with the bath water” so to speak when it comes to dating. Today’s trends are pointing to the reality that the dating scene of American adolescents is not a healthy, Christ-honoring one. However, to ignore the pro’s of dating because of fear is equally dangerous. It alienates us from our students and fails to equip them with a Godly approach to healthy relationships.

Pro’s

Dating has many potential positives. In a healthy dating relationship students have the opportunity to learn how the opposite sex works, thinks, processes information, and approaches life. This learning environment is a wonderful way for adolescents to discover how to relate to the opposite sex. Throughout this series you will quickly learn that I believe the fundamental element required in all healthy dating relationships is building every romantic relationship on a solid foundation of a close friendship. These friendships are where learning how to relate to the opposite sex happen.

Dating also provides students with the opportunity do discover themselves. They learn what they like in a partner, what they don’t like. They learn their own weaknesses, needs, and insecurities. Often overlooked by those of us who have been married for several years is how much self-discovery occurred in our dating relationships.

Conflict resolution is another huge experience gained in dating. Fighting, making mistakes, forgiving, and recovering from break-ups are important experiences that will help prepare students for marriage. I know what you may be thinking. Doesn’t breaking-up just teach students how to divorce easier? I don’t believe so. If I hadn’t been dumped or broken-up with a girlfriend I wouldn’t know how to deal with heart-ache and loneliness. These things, by the way, do not go away in marriage. Breaking-up helps a student learn about who they are and where their true identity is found. Believe it or not, I see breaking-up as a “pro” for dating.

This list of pro’s and con’s is by no mean exhaustive. I could come up with many more items to add to the list. I’d love to hear from you in the comments section as to what you would add to this list. My point in creating this list was to get us to examine dating more closely.

What does the Bible say?

Many parents and students have asked me what the Bible says about dating. My answer is simple: nothing. Dating is a modern construct. Arranged marriage was the rule of the day that Biblical writers lived in. This doesn’t mean that dating is wrong, it simply means that culture has changed in such a way that how we choose our spouse is radically different. Before you use this as ammunition to condemn dating ask yourself this, “Do I really think that arranged marriage is better? Would I have been happy with my parents choosing my spouse for me while I was a child?” I happen to LOVE this new system because, well, I happen to LOVE the spouse that I dated then chose.

The Bible does, however, teach us many principles that help us date in a way that honors God. It teaches how to love one another (Mark 12:31, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7), how to break-up (Matthew 18:15-17, Matthew 5:43-48), and how to remain sexually pure (1 Corinthians 6:12-20). We will be looking at these topics in more depth over the next few days.

Conclusion

In case you haven’t picked up on this, I believe in dating. I believe in our students. I believe that if taught and mentored correctly, they can experience dating relationships that honor Christ and set them up for healthy Christ-centered marriages. I would even go as far as to say that the best form of pre-marriage counseling is quality dating counseling. Again, I can’t say this enough: our students are dating. They are experiencing heart-ache, peer pressure, and even love (on some level). If we are silent on this subject where will they get their advice? From friends? The internet? Movies? Music? Are we ok with this? Let’s talk about dating. I think you’ll be surprised by how willing our students are to listen.

Questions? Comments? I’d love to hear from you. How do you feel about dating?

 

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February 24, 2012

Categorizing Teenage Girls

By Ben Denen

False Stereotypes and Generalizations

In a moment of transparency, I must admit that there are few things in this world that frighten and intimidate me more than adolescent girls. They are wonderfully complex, mysterious, rich in depth, and confusing human beings. I obviously experienced adolescence as a boy, so when I found myself reading a book titled “Teenage Girls,” I was enlightened and challenged. One thing that really stuck out to me in this book was the dangers of false stereotypes and generalizations.

A somewhat what uncomfortable side effect of reading this book is that it revealed my subliminal practice of applying these false stereotypes and generalizations to the adolescent girls in my youth ministry. This confronted me in the first few pages when the author shared the story of Karla and Elise. Elise had formed a stereotypical opinion of Karla, the flirty, attractive 15 year-old, and was subsequently blown away by her depth of spiritual maturity and connection. The author then describes female adolescence as,

“…a season of setting aside her childhood props and grieving that loss, while at the same time eagerly rejoicing as she becomes an adult. This isn’t a one-day decision; it’s a process that takes place over her adolescent years, as she constantly tries on new personalities and casts off others.”  

I realized that, like Elise, I had a tendency to typecast a teenage girl based purely on outward appearances and personality without realizing or recognizing that their personalities and identities are in a constant state of flux. It reminds of the movie Thirteen in which a teenage girl enters adolescents as a stuffed-animal loving good-little-girl and transforms into a promiscuous, substance abusing, broken mess. It can happen so fast.

Adolescent girls as are in search of the answer to the question, “Who am I?” By forcing stereotypes and generalizations on her we can inadvertently play a role in pushing her to abandon her search in favor of a “label.” If we treat a popular girl like she is disinterested in “real spiritual growth” she may decide to live up (or down) to our expectation. Sometimes, if not oftentimes, labels become too overwhelming to fight so adolescent girls will give up and accept them.

As a youth leaders we need to work at all times to avoid stereotyping and generalizing the girls in our ministry. Teenage girls are so much more than just the sum of things they do and say. These things are temporary and are constantly shifting. When looking for and training teenage girls as spiritual leaders, these constant shifts can be frustrating because one week a teenage girl might be passionate about Christ and ministry, and the next it can appear that her only passion is that “hot” teenage guy that is visiting this week. Instead of writing her off, we need to pair her with a solid female leader who understands the issues she is facing and will try to help her find her identity in Christ, not just in the temporal approval of the opposite sex. Teenage girls are constantly being judged by what they wear, who their friends are, what they look like, etc. and the church needs to be the one place where they are understood and accepted for whoever they may be that week.

2 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Connecting Cognitively, students, Youth Culture

February 22, 2012

It takes a village…

By Ben Denen

Well, I’m on day two of my recovery and though hernias have me down 3-0, I’m looking good for a rousing comeback. This week (and last week for that matter) have featured a lot of sitting on a couch or bed waiting for the pain to go away. Although I’m in a lot of pain and a little stressed about the recovery and costs of the surgery, I am so thankful to know that there is one thing I’m not at all stressed about: what will happen to the ministries I lead while I am gone.

Five years ago I had a very similar procedure done and this stress was very much present while I was going through the recovery process. You see, five years ago I had no idea how to make myself replaceable. Heck, five years ago I probably would have been offended by the concept. I, like many young ministry leaders, had control issues. If there is one thing I hope you can learn from my mistakes in ministry is that delegation, support for leaders, and empowering leaders is every bit as important as mentoring and hanging with students.

Student ministry requires a team. It’s kind of like the whole “it takes a village” approach. This team must include parents, volunteers, the senior pastor, and yes, the youth leader. In a moment of complete transparency (perhaps its the narcotics) I want to share with you a few of my reasons for holding on so tightly to my youth ministry.

  • Fear of failure

In the early days of my understaffed, under-resourced ministry, I was constantly feeling like I had to hold everything together to keep everything from falling apart. I felt that failure was lurking just around the corner. At the time I was working day and night to keep 15 or so students interested in what I was doing. That was exactly the problem. It was about what I WAS DOING. I was the central figure. Christ doesn’t fail. I do. What I had to learn was that placing Christ at the center is how to conquer my fear of failure

  • I had trust issues

I loved the volunteers that I had involved in ministry. I trusted them 100%…completely. My trust issues weren’t with them, they were with me. I didn’t trust myself to empower leaders. Empowering a leader required me to have my planning and homework done. As I mentioned earlier, I was working around the clock trying to do and be everything which meant my advance planning was non-existent. Now I have learned to delegate and get ahead of the game plan. Coming into this school year we had laid out what we were doing and covering at every service for the entire programming year. That meant when an unexpected surgery came up there was no mystery, no scrambling. My leaders were empowered to take over for me because they knew long in advance what the plan was.

  • I was afraid to let go of being “the guy”

I have never met a leader who didn’t enjoy being the hero every once in a while. Ministry can, at times, be a thankless job and when other people start getting the credit it can be hard on even the most humble leader; however, this is something that must be dealt with. Sharing the spotlight is not even the goal here. Surrendering the spotlight to our true Hero is the goal. When the Church works together Christ is glorified. The funny thing is, I have never felt more appreciated, loved, and respected as I do today. We have a growing staff (as a result of our multi-church ministry) and a large volunteer team for a ministry our size. I am not critical anymore to the success of a weekly service. This is an amazing and wonderful feeling. Sure, being in a true ministry team environment requires the sharing of the credit, but it keeps the glory right where it belongs…on our amazing, heroic Savior. Plus, sharing the burden and load is a heck of an upside.

  • I was afraid of not being the “coolest”

I have written about my “Michael Scott” complex. I like to be liked, and I remember being afraid of students liking other leaders more than me. There is some reality to this fear. As we grew and developed some amazing leaders, students gravitated toward different leaders. That meant that I was not and am not always the “coolest” guy in our ministry. How awesome is that! That means that students are connecting. It takes a lot of pressure off me to try and be “cool” all that time. The more leaders we have the more I am free to be myself. The whole “all things to all people” thing is a myth and a rather exhausting myth at that.

Conclusion

Hopefully my thoughts have been helpful in showing you that if you struggle with these thoughts, you are not alone. Don’t feel guilty. Growing as a ministry comes with growing pains. These are good. They prepare us for who God wants us to be as leaders. Don’t give up. Keep recruiting, training, and empowering. Allow your leaders to make mistakes and don’t fear failure. If it is Christ’s ministry then you will succeed.

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February 20, 2012

Surgery Update

By Ben Denen

Well, I made it out of surgery ok. I’m in a lot of pain, but the road to recovery has begun! I am so blessed to have such a wonderful, beautiful, and supportive wife. I would never be able to handle any of this without her.

Thank you for all your prayers. I will hopefully return to regular posting by next week.

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February 17, 2012

Let’s Talk About Sex – Part 6

By Ben Denen

Adolescent Guys and Lust

Over the last two years my student ministry has undergone a subtle shift with profound implications. We have started to de-centralize our focus on large group programming and put a larger emphasis on mentoring students in small, one-on-one, one-on-three, etc. formats. Over the last two years I have watched guys struggle mightily with guilt and shame over their sexuality. I remember feeling the same way at their age. The Church, though maybe not intentionally, has largely communicated that sex is a taboo subject unless you are married. Though we say sex is a pure creation of God many male students feel that they are dirty and shameful for having sexual urges and thoughts.

I recently read a book written by my current professor, Dr. Steve Gerali, in which he states, “Guys receive vague and typically negative messages about sexual thought that are bondage producing. This bondage puts guys in turmoil over who they are, who they think they should be, and who they want to be as men.” He goes on to say, “Because we are sexual, our brains become the primary sex organ. Sexual thinking is a normal byproduct of how God created us to be sexually good.” Teenage guys are hardwired for sexual thought, yet they struggle to discern between this natural creation of God and the command to not lust.

This is sad but true, which is why this is important

Practically speaking, I tend to agree with Gerali that there is a difference between sexual thought and lust, but where the line actually is can be troublesome and difficult to discern. Where is this line? Gerali commands us to be, “honest with guys and describe how they’ll be prone to follow a sexual line of thinking, but it may not be considered lusting. Then we have to teach guys to rely on the power and leading of the Holy Spirit to direct them.” I think the Holy Spirit is the key ingredient.

Often the Church propagates the myth that we can control lust by simply controlling the situations where lust will occur. Instead of teaching students how to take on the mind of Christ and rely heavily on the Holy Spirit, we teach them to get rid of computers, not watch certain movies, and avoid any dating situation that could lead to inappropriate thought. Though at times all of these responses can be appropriate steps to take, it misses the point. Students need more than a list of “do’s and “do not’s”. They need to be taught how to move from concrete to abstract thought that involves a reliance on Christ, the Bible, and the Holy Spirit for guidance. Instead of throwing around guilt and shame for “lust” without any further teaching, we need to show them how to guard their minds in a Biblical way.

In closing I want to make it abundantly clear that I believe that lust is wrong and there most certainly is such a thing as inappropriate sexual thought; however, teaching that statement to a male student and leaving it at that is simply not enough. We need to teach about lust in a way that is free from guilt and condemnation. This teaching brings life and freedom instead of bondage and shame.

previous posts in this series:

Sex, Fear, Misinformation, and One Really Big God

How Young is Too Young?

What Do the Birds and the Bees Have to Do With Anything?

A Warning to the Newbie

A Student’s Take on the “Sex Talk”

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February 16, 2012

Let’s Talk About Sex – Part 5

By Ben Denen

A Student’s Take on the “Sex Talk”

Today’s post is from a guest contributor, one of the students that I mentor. I thought it would be cool to hear from some of the students that this series is talking about connecting with. It’s important to remember that student ministry is more than just statistics and anecdotes.

As a 17 year old male who is about to go off to college, pressure to do things like drink, do drugs and have sex are things that I face everyday. While the first two things are huge issues in and of themselves, I am going to focus on the pressure to have sex. You see, I have a girlfriend who I have been dating for 3+ years now. She is a year older than me and loved by my entire family. This is good for me because that means my dad has no problem letting me go up to visit her. When I go up there to visit, there are pressures to do all kinds of things… no parents! But obviously one huge pressure is to have sex. Fortunately, I have the luxury of having a wonderful father and great youth leaders to talk to me about things like sex. Even when I was little I was never shielded from the idea of sex. Ever since I can remember I’ve known what it was (partly because I grew up in the public school system) because my parents were always open with me about it. When I got my first girlfriend in seventh grade, periodically my dad or my mom would sit me down and talk to me about sex and how important it was to wait, and they would always finish they’re talks with “you know you can talk to me about anything.” Although I am still a little uncomfortable talking to my dad about sex, knowing that if I really wanted to or needed to, I could, is a huge comfort to me.

To attempt to isolate your teenager from knowing about sex (especially if they go to a public school) is nearly impossible. If you don’t talk to them about it, they will learn about it in sex education class, and they will definitely hear about it from their friends. The only thing that they will learn in health class is that sex is bad unless your married, and along with that, all the terrible things that will happen if you do not practice abstinence, like pregnancy or STDs. Then, all their friends will talk about is how awesome it is. So having an open “sex line” between the parents and the child is important, I think. Always being open with the idea of sex sort of allows the “forbidden fruit” of sex to become something that is common knowledge, and it takes some of the curiosity out of it. But on the other end of the spectrum, if a parent forces the sex talk upon the teenager, it may cause them to rebel and do it anyway, or they will realize that it isn’t as bad as you are telling them it is. The best way (I think) is to keep that open “sex line” between the parents and the kid. Periodically having small talks with them about current events that have to do with sex or teen pregnancy, or if it comes up in a movie or a song that is on the radio, take advantage of that situation. Always recognizing that sex outside of marriage is bad and explaining why, but never shoving it down their throat and trust that they are hearing what you are saying. The approach that worked best for me between my dad and I is the laid back, trusting one.

previous posts in this series:

Sex, Fear, Misinformation, and One Really Big God

How Young is Too Young?

What Do the Birds and the Bees Have to Do With Anything?

A Warning to the Newbie

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February 15, 2012

Quick Update

By Ben Denen

I just wanted to give my readers a quick update. If you read my blog yesterday you know that I am having surgery on Monday. Please bear with me as my posts may become a bit more infrequent over the next week as the meds they have me on have made writing difficult. I hope to get a couple of guests posts up in the meantime.

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February 14, 2012

The Injustice of Man Law

By Ben Denen

Today I must confess to being a criminal. I am no longer attempting to be a man-law-abiding citizen. All it is has gotten me is multiple holes in my abdominal wall, and I’m ready for a lifestyle change.

If you’re unfamiliar with concept of man laws let me give you some legal advice. They are bogus and unjust. They teach men bitter lies coated in honey that negatively influence the way that we live. Society, media, movies, and music love man laws and act as judge, jury, and penal system when it comes to enforcing them. If you are a man, my goal is to break you out of jail today.

One of the most important laws in the male injustice system is, “Never show weakness.” If you do, you are sentenced to a life of not being considered “a real man.” I am here to tell you that this law is a farce, a Hollywood contraption with no more reality than lightsabers (though every man wishes they both could be real). Men have weakness. It is a major part of who we are.

Let me tell you a story. I, like many men, bought the lie that I needed to be strong all the time and bury any hint of weakness. This mentality brought me to the ER this Saturday in so much pain I was ready to throw up. Three hours and several painful tests later I found out that I have yet another hernia that would require surgery. If you’re keeping score at home, that is my third hernia-related surgery in five years. The problem isn’t in my body, it’s in my ego. My body keeps telling me I can’t but my ego keeps telling me I must.

As much as it pains me, the only way I will avoid destroying my body further is to admit that I am weak. I can’t lift everything, do everything, be everything that I think that I need to be for my job. I am not a roadie anymore. The Ben that could lift heavy sound equipment on a near daily basis is a myth. The real Ben keeps destroying his body.

Last weekend my desire to adhere to the man laws and hide my weakness led me to do one of the dumbest things I have ever done. It was extremely dangerous and foolish. Despite being in so much pain that I walk with a very noticeable limp, I “manned up” and removed all of the audio equipment from our sanctuary stage because, well, someone had to do it and I’m a man and my job title says “director” so I guess that means me. I did all of this by myself. I lifted speakers, keyboards, amps, and drum shields like a “real man” should. The problem is, I have a hole in my abdominal wall that is letting fat and intestines to slip into areas that God did not intend them to go. I am being graphic so that you can understand how incredibly foolish it was.

It’s not like I didn’t know what was wrong. As I mentioned, I have way too much experience with hernias. I knew that I probably had one. Why did I keep lifting all that equipment? Pride. Ego. The desire to prove that I am not weak. All I proved was that I am blinded by my pride.

Now, I am sitting here breaking another man law. I am afraid. I am afraid because this surgery hurts and I don’t like pain. I’m afraid because I don’t have insurance and I don’t know how we will pay for all of this. I am afraid because this is the third time in five years and I don’t know if this will ever stop. Right now I am not strong. I am a very weak man.

So, why am I sharing all of this embarrassing information? Because I need to learn to be proud of my weakness. I need to brag about it. Don’t believe me? Read the Bible.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Men, we need to learn that weakness isn’t something to be ashamed of or to avoid. It is something that draws us to Christ, that gives Him freedom to do His thing. When I am at my weakest I am my strongest. It is a strange paradox, but I can honestly tell you that when I am at my weakest (like today for instance) I can really feel God. I know He’s there because I simply can’t “do” without Him.

So, today is a day of liberation for me. No longer will I conform to the patterns of man laws (also scriptural). I need a renewing of my ways of thinking. This means admitting that I have physical limitations. It means saying no to certain jobs and requests. It means trusting in God to give me strength when my body says, “no more.” It means showing others a man who is weak so that his Savior can shine.

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February 11, 2012

What other leaders are saying about sex…

By Ben Denen

What’s the difference between teaching middle schoolers and high schoolers about dating and sexuality?

Click on the link (above) for some more interesting thoughts on the subject of talking about sex.

previous posts in this series:

Sex, Fear, Misinformation, and One Really Big God

How Young is Too Young?

What Do the Birds and the Bees Have to Do With Anything?

A Warning to the Newbie

Leave a comment | posted in Let's Talk About Sex

February 10, 2012

Let’s Talk About Sex – Part 4

By Ben Denen

A Warning to the Newbie

As I have mentioned in previous posts in this series, there are few topics more controversial for parents than sex and sexuality. Few sermon series will spark more questions, outrage, and fear than a purity series. Today’s post is a word of warning to well-meaning, fired-up youth leaders. How you respond to parents is every bit as important as how you relate to their students.

What I am going to talk about today I have personal experience with. I have to confess that I was an arrogant, know-it-all at times early on in my ministry. Of course, the “early ministry Ben” would have strongly disagreed. However, six year veteran (if that even qualifies as a veteran) Ben would love to have a few words with “early ministry Ben.” I am going to write today’s post as a letter to that Ben in the hopes that other youth leaders can learn from him.

Dear Early Ministry Ben,

You don’t know me yet, but I am the future you. I have somehow survived some of the silly battles you decided to wage and made it to six years (a small miracle based on your battle tactics). You are about to launch your first purity series and, please, take a few minutes to listen to the veteran you. It will save you a lot of grief and protect the students you are so passionate about.

So far you have done one thing right. I love that you warned the parents in an email about the topic matter of this series. However, you made one huge mistake. Your letter was basically a “my way or the highway” response. You TOLD them what you were going to talk about and left no room for questions and concerns. Not surprisingly, you have encountered some resistence and even, at times, some hostility. You didn’t do yourself any favors with your first approach. Now let me help you be more like Christ in how you respond to these parents.

Believe me, I know that you care deeply about these students and are well researched on the dangers and importance of sexuality. The problem is, your passion is based in the same fear that is driving these parents to lash back at you. These parents that are telling you that you have no right to talk about these issues are doing so out fear of what can and will happen to their students. How is that different than your motivation? Do not be afraid. Our God is bigger than pregnancy and STD statistics.

Ok, so most of the pushback is coming from parents of junior high students…particularly 6th-7th graders. I know that you feel that these parents are ignorant to what is going on in their student’s life and school, but do not be so arrogant to assume that they do not know their student better than you. Your statistics are based on AVERAGES and not every student, particularly early adolescents, fit into these averages. This doesn’t mean that you are wrong to want to prepare them, but it does mean that your approach might need to be different. Believe it or not, these angry parents might (and by might I mean probably) know how to best relate to their student.

Let me give you some practical advice on how to proceed with these parents. Ask them questions. First off, before I give you some examples, make sure that you ask them without a follow-up agenda of proving their answers to be wrong. Listen. Actually listen to these parents. Put your ego aside. Ok, here are some example questions to ask these nervous parents:

  • Why do you feel that I should not talk about sex with your student?
  • When do you feel they will be ready for this?
  • How can I best help you prepare your student for the challenges they will face eventually?

Do you see what I did there? I took myself off my self-created pedestal of “expert” and turned myself into a servant. I’m pretty sure Jesus talked about that early and often.

So why am I writing you about this? I survived, right? Yes, but at what cost? These parents that are an annoyance to you are who you are called to serve. They may be wrong at times, but you cannot look at them and say, “I don’t need you.” You are not God’s gift to their students. The parents are God’s gift. You are called to support the parents as the primary influencer and spiritual leaders, not replace them. Come alongside these parents. Try to understand their fears and concerns. Do not be threatened by their questions and even their angry responses. Ask questions. Listen. Pray. Encourage.

Never forget that your goal in ministry is not to prove that you are right. Tell me this. Let’s say you go ahead and talk about sex with their students anyway and they decide to pull them out of your youth group (hint, hint). What did you accomplish? Do you really think that one sermon on sexuality was worth alienating a student from a community that will last for 5-6 years? I think not. Be humble and realize that your one sermon isn’t actually all that important in the grand scheme of things. Now the opportunity to mentor a student over time, that is important.

Well, Early Ministry Ben, good luck. I know that it is a difficult time for you. Be humble and above all, show the love of Christ to EVERYONE, students and their parents. Never forget this incredibly important truth. Sometimes there is a difference between proving your right and doing what is right.

In Christ,

Six Year Veteran Ben

Hopefully you found this helpful. I want to throw out a special thanks to all those parents and leaders who stood by and gently corrected the Early Ministry Ben. He needed your guidance, support, and love. Next week I will look at how we can respond to some negative sexual behaviors such as pornography and sex before marriage. As I always, I would love to hear your thoughts.

previous posts in this series:

Sex, Fear, Misinformation, and One Really Big God

How Young is Too Young?

What Do the Birds and the Bees Have to Do With Anything?

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