Monthly Archives: January 2012

January 31, 2012

Connecting Cognitively – Part 1

By Ben Denen


There has been a lot of ink spilled (i.e. blogs written) about the topics of large group vs. small group programming and whether or not sermons are effective. In my opinion, many of these debates are completely missing the point. The presentation is not the issue, it is the content that is the issue. Today, I’d like to throw my hat in the ring. I submit that our programming methods are immaterial if we are not connecting to students cognitively, helping them grow into the abstract thinkers that God has created them to be.

Ok, before I dive into the how, allow me to spend a little time on the why. You will have to forgive me. This information is somewhat clinical and I will do my best to summarize it quickly.

Childhood (Elementary School)

As a child enters adolescence (roughly 6th grade-ish to 7th grade-ish in America) they are not only going through tremendous changes physically but cognitively as well meaning they are going through a massive growth in how they think and process information. A pre-adolescent child thinks concrete, meaning that they rely on others to reason through things and provide them with facts. Sure, they ask questions but they think linearly. In order to understand point “C” they have to start with point “A” move directly to point “B” then finally arrive at “C”. Or in equation terms it looks like this: A + B = C.

Early Adolescence (Junior High)

Early adolescence marks the time where a student begins the shift from being a concrete thinker to abstract. They still think linearly for the most part but by the end of junior high they can begin to think more “outside-the-box”. In order to understand point “C” they need to understand at least point “A” or point “B”. Their equation looks like this: A + x = C or x + B = C. It is important to know that the three years of junior high are very different in terms of abstract, meaning what a 6th grader can understand is very different from what an 8th grader can understand.

Middle Adolescence

A middle adolescent has arrived at abstract thought. Suddenly reasoning and understanding feel so much easier. This often leads to overconfidence in their new found abilities. Have you ever encountered a high schooler who thinks they “know it all”? Um, yeah, I could introduce you to about 50 of them. This is because they feel empowered by their new thinking formula. They can understand point “C” because they intuitively reason through and understand points “A” and “B”. In other words they can jump from A to C very easily. Here’s the problem: A fully grown adult mind can jump from A to G with no problem. A high schooler doesn’t understand that yet. This is why high schoolers feel like their parents don’t understand them when they disagree over things like curfew. In their minds, they have reasoned through everything and if their parents aren’t convinced, they must be “slow.” Little to do they know, their parents have also reasoned several steps further and see a much bigger picture than they are capable of understanding.

Connecting Cognitively in Ministry

For the sake of today’s post I am going to focus solely on connecting to high schoolers because I think this is where we miss the boat the most. Many if not most churches and ministries still communicate and treat high schoolers like they are concrete thinkers when they are, in fact, designed by God as abstract thinkers. My experiences in youth ministry have shown me that many high schoolers who leave the church do so because they feel like it doesn’t relate to them. This is often because they are not allowed to think abstractly.

Here’s an example of how this can play out. Let’s look at how we would teach the above mentioned stages about murder.

  • In childhood Sunday School we teach Exodus 20:13 – You must not commit murder.
  • In early adolescence we teach Exodus 20:13 plus the somewhat abstract thought that Jesus tells us to “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31) which means don’t murder.
  • In middle adolescence we tend to follow the same line of reasoning as early adolescence. We show them what the Bible says and say, “accept these facts”.

All of this seems pretty good, right? Wrong. What is going on in the high schoolers mind? He/she is thinking abstract. They accept your “facts” but are asking bigger questions like:

  • When is killing murder and when is it not?
  • What about war, stoping genocide, saving your family from a burglar?
  • What about when God told Israel to kill every man, woman, and child?

Do you see where I’m going with this? Like it or not, high schoolers are abstract thinkers. We have two choices as ministry leaders. Ignore this fact and continue to teach them as concrete thinkers. Sure, the will be very well versed in what you believe (if they stick around) but will they know what they believe? Or we could embrace the abstract and help them grow as the thinkers that God created them to be.

I challenge parents and youth leaders to be brave enough to explore this intimidating frontier. Abstract thought is scary. Your students will begin to question things that you accept as fact. They will push back, wrestle with, and sometimes even reject common family beliefs. Now, I am in NO WAY supporting rebellion. Parents are the leaders in the homes and their rules MUST be followed. But answer me this. What is the goal of youth ministry? Do you want your students entering college saying, “well this is what my youth leader believes” or do you want them saying “this is what I believe”?

In part 2 of this series we will look at practical ways that we can connect cognitively with an abstract thinker and help them to grow. Today, I will close with these words of Paul.

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. – 1 Corinthians 13:11-13

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January 30, 2012

Jesus and Sinners…

By Ben Denen

Today, I am taking a break from my review of Rob Bell’s Love Wins because, well, my brain hurts. I promise I will get back to it soon. My next post on it will deal with Rob Bell’s view on hell which is quite complex so I need a little more time to process.

Instead, today I want to talk about Jesus. To be specific, I want to talk about how Jesus views sinners. This topic has been heavy on my mind of late. My personal reading time has revolved around Bell’s Love Wins and Francis Chan’s Erasing Hell which has forced me to really explore the concept of Jesus and sin. Also, this weekend my youth ministry is hosting a huge retreat that will deal with this topic as well. Needless to say, Jesus is on my mind.

How does Jesus view sinners? This is a complicated but incredibly important question. Of course, the follow up question could be, “who is a sinner?” Now, the obvious answer is “Jesus loves sinners.” Sure, of course He does. But do we really believe that? Do we really communicate that as His Church?

I have a confession to make. I have spent many years in ministry being a bully. From stages and in small groups I have tried to show students the “error of their ways.” I have lead out of fear instead of faith. I have shown students all the verses about morality, sexual purity, and right living while dropping in the obligatory “Jesus loves you” to make things “balanced.” The problem is, I have been communicating a common fallacy. I have revealed a Jesus that is angry over sin and sinners and checks His naughty and nice list more often than Santa.

Take a minute and watch the video I have embedded below. I think it is a rather amusing look at how Jesus is portrayed by many Christians.

“All right, all you sinners come with me. It’s time to pay the Piper.”

Does this portrayal of Jesus sound familiar? Yes, it is incredibly over-the-top, but my experience in youth ministry has led me to believe that this is the perception that many un-churched students are receiving from the Church. This quote from the video is sadly similar to what I have heard teenagers recount to me when telling me their perception of Jesus:

“Listen to what I have to say. I have done many wonderful things. I have healed many people o’ diseases. I have performed many miracles so that I can tell you this. You’re all evil. There is no hope. That’s it. Thank you.”

The well-trained Christian in us wants to jump up screaming, THAT’S NOT WHAT WE BELIEVE!!! This is true, but is this what we communicate? We talk about the “world” in negative terms. We talk about sinners as if they are someone other than us, someone who is somehow “less” than us. We are, after all, Christians with official church memberships to prove it.

Lets look at what the Bible actually says about how Jesus views sinners.

John 3:16 – For God so loved the world, that He gave his only son…

Romans 5:8 – but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

(emphasis added by me)

Jesus looks at the “filthiest” of sinner and says, “You are someone worth dying for. You were worth leaving heaven for.”

  • That student in your ministry that is sleeping with his girlfriend.
  • That student who is doing drugs.
  • That girl who is dressing so “inappropriately”.
  • That junior higher who won’t stop acting out.
  • That parent who is constantly talking bad about you behind your back.
  • That pastor who treats you so poorly.

The list can go on and on. What do all these people have in common? They are all worthy dying for. That is how Jesus views sinners. That is how Jesus views us.

This is not, of course, the entire story. Jesus does care about sin, morality, and righteousness. But these things never come at the expense of His love. That is eternal, universal, awesome, and epic. Let us focus on revealing Christ’s love to everyone. Let His love be the loudest and clearest thing that we say. Maybe then the unchurched will see the real Jesus.

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January 26, 2012

Does Love Win? – Part 2

By Ben Denen

A Response to Rob Bell’s Love Wins – Heaven

Disclaimer: Over the next several posts I will be posting my thoughts on Love Wins. I want to issue a disclaimer that I have nothing but respect for Rob Bell as a writer and student of Scripture. I may not agree with all of his thoughts on this blog, but I hope to communicate my disagreement with respect and with the love of Christ. If you need to catch up, here are my pervious thoughts in this series: Part One

Chapter 2 of Love Wins deals primarily with the concept of heaven and shall be the subject of my post today. Right away, Rob Bell digs into commonly accepted views of heaven. He uses a famous painting of a cross bridging the gap between “here” (earth) and “there” (heaven). He explores the nebulous concepts of heaven that float around: images of people sitting on clouds, Peter at the Pearly Gates, and other such nonsense. I loved his response to one pastor’s assertion about heaven. Bell says,

“I’ve heard pastors answer, ‘It will be unlike anything we can comprehend, like a church services that goes on forever,’ causing some to think, ‘That sounds more like hell.’” (24)

really? this is heaven???

I have to confess that I represent the “some” in that quote. I am a worship leader. I lead a student ministry. But if I’m being honest, an eternity-long worship service doesn’t exactly sound heavenly. I remember hearing eternity described this way when I was a teenager and thinking to myself, “but what about baseball, Sega Genesis, and hanging with friends?” I was buried in guilt feeling like Heaven didn’t sound all that interesting to me.

Bell goes on to bring up the incredibly complex and somewhat puzzling exchange between Jesus and the rich young ruler in Matthew 19:16-30. The rich young ruler brings up a very common question that we hear today. “Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?”. I really liked Rob Bell’s response. He said,

“The rich man’s question, then, is the perfect opportunity for Jesus to give a clear, straightforward answer to the only question that ultimately matters for many” (26).

If you read on, you see that Jesus does not do that. Instead He engages in a somewhat confusing dialog. He lists five of ten commandments that need to be followed (none of them, oddly, are the first four commandments dealing with relationship with God). Rob Bell raises a fascinating question that somewhat defies typical “evangelism” strategies:

“Shouldn’t Jesus have given a clear answer to the man’s obvious desire to know how to get to heaven when he dies? Is that why he walks away–because Jesus blew a perfectly good ‘evangelistic’ opportunity? How does such a simple question–one Jesus could have answered so clearly from a Christian perspective–turn into such a convoluted dialogue involving commandments and treasures and wealth and ending with the man walking away?” (29)

He goes on to say,

“When the man asks about getting ‘eternal life’ he isn’t asking about how to go to heaven when he dies. This wasn’t a concern for the man or Jesus. This is why Jesus doesn’t tell people how to ‘go to heaven.’ It wasn’t what Jesus came to do.

Heaven, for Jesus was deeply connected with what he called ‘this age’ and ‘the age to come.’” (30)

This final statement is a central argument in Bell’s view of heaven, the mysterious concept of “heaven on earth”. Bell then goes into a lengthy history of Jewish thought on Heaven that was actually not new to me. Last year I took a grad class called, “Christological Foundations of Youth Ministry” in which we studied the 1st century views of heaven. Bell somewhat sums up this historical view when he says,

“What Jesus taught, what the prophets taught, what all of Jewish tradition pointed to and what Jesus lived in anticipation of, was the day when earth and heaven would be one. The day when God’s will would be done on earth as it is now done in heaven. The day when earth and heaven will be the same place.” (42)

In Bell’s words, heaven in a future sense is earth restored to God’s original plan. Today and “someday” are integrally related. Bell asserts that Jesus’ urging of the rich young ruler to sell all of his possessions and give them to the poor was that in doing so he could free himself from his bondage to “stuff” and go about bringing heaven on earth NOW.

I really liked Bell’s challenge of how we view possessions.

“But a crown, much like a mansion or a car, is a possession. There’s nothing wrong with possessions; it’s just that they have value to us only when we use them, engage them, and enjoy them. They’re nouns that mean something only in conjunction with verbs.

Thats why wealth is so dangerous; if you’re not careful you can easily end up with a garage full of nouns.” (44)

Now matters, not just “someday”. In this, I couldn’t agree with Bell more. His belief that heaven is not a “someday only” or a “somewhere” concept pushed him to believe that our focus should be on working towards “on earth as it is in heaven” now. This means caring about the poor, the sick, the hurting, the environment, not just the “lost” who don’t have an “eternal life ticket.” This means acting as Christ did; reaching out to the marginalized with love, hope, and joy.

All this brings us to what I believe is the crux of Bell’s argument. We need to stop focusing on “someday” at the expense of today. He sums this up by saying,

“Taking heaven seriously, then, means taking suffering seriously, now. Not because we’ve bought into the myth that we can create a utopia given enough time, technology, and good voting choices, but because we have great confidence that God has not abandoned human history and is actively at work within it, taking it somewhere.” (45)

He goes on to say,

“It often appears that those who talk the most about going to heaven when you die talk the least about bringing heaven to earth right now, as Jeus taught us to pray: ‘Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.’ At the same time, it often appears that those who talk the most about relieving suffering now talk the least about heaven when we die.” (45)

Ok, so this is basically my summary on Bell’s view of heaven. It is not a “somewhere” in the clouds; it is earth being restored to and by God. It is what we are working to advance while on earth (i.e. advance the kingdom of God). I can’t encourage you enough to read this chapter for yourself and wrestle with his implications.

I was a little frustrated that Bell seemed to dance around the subject of what actually happen when we die. I found myself confused as to what his stance was. Are we “beamed” to the a future where heaven on earth is a reality? Is there a magical “holding room” or “waiting lounge” so to speak? If I had to make a guess, Rob Bell didn’t elaborate on this because, well, he isn’t all that concerned about “someday”. His opinion is that we need to be concerned about right now. To an extent, I agree with him on this. Earth is not somewhere we are looking to “escape”. If it is, then are we saying that it is not good enough for us? God is present here, now. Jesus desires a meaningful, life-altering relationship with us here, now. Jesus is found in jail needing a visit, hungry needing food, naked needing clothes right here, right now. Today matters.

In closing, I didn’t find Rob Bell’s views on heaven to be all that controversial. His views are commonly held by many theologians that I have studied, and I think his desire to focus on the “now” to be refreshing and Christ-honoring. His views were well-researched and described much better than my recap. I look forward to hearing some more discussion on this subject from others who have read his book.

What are your thoughts on Rob Bell’s view of heaven? Do you agree? Disagree?

previous posts in this series:

A Response to Rob Bell’s Book Love Wins – First Impressions

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January 25, 2012

Does Love Win? – Part 1

By Ben Denen

A Response to Rob Bell’s Love Wins – First Impressions

Well, it took me long enough, but I finally got around to reading Rob Bell’s Love Wins. It was a compelling read and one that really pushed and prodded me in a lot of sensitive areas. I found myself extremely uncomfortable yet compelled to keep pushing further. Bell’s words both made me want to throw my book (which would have been a bad idea since I read it on my iPad) and shout for joy over what I was reading. If there is one word that can describe my first impressions once I put the book down it is “conflicted.”

Over the next several posts I will be sharing my thoughts on the various themes of his book. Today’s post is more of a “first impression” so I apologize if you were hoping for a detailed review. I need more time to process lest I simply give my knee-jerk reaction like many bloggers out there.

Before I get into what I think of Rob Bell’s thoughts I want to take a moment to commend him on a well written, thought provoking book. Anyone not living in cave is probably aware of the fact that he has been raked over the coals for this work (while cashing his sizable royalty checks I should point out). In a way he prophesied that this would happen. In chapter 7 Bell wrote,

“For some the highest form of allegiance to their God is to attack, defame, and slander others who don’t articulate matters of faith as they do” (183).

In America we pride ourselves on our freedoms. Freedoms of religion, the right to bear arms, and freedom of speech are all cherished, yet heaven forbid a Christian present a unique perspective while exercising not only the freedoms guaranteed in the Constitution but also the freedom of relationship with Christ that the Gospel is founded on. I may not agree with everything that Rob Bell said, but I can say this, his tone and words were filled with far more humility, love, and well, basically…Jesus…than what I have been reading from the people that oppose him.

is this the Jesus we portray?

After reading this book I find myself getting angry, not with Rob Bell, but at all those who personally attack him and his faith. For all those who are worried that Rob Bell will lead America astray with his words, I respond with this: how weak do you think the Holy Spirit and Scripture really are? Last I checked, we are called to test everything, not against Rob Bell, our denomination, or our favorite reformer but against the Word of God. Read Romans 12:2 or I Thessalonians 5:21. Thank God we have the Bible and the Holy Spirit. Thank God He has the power and desire to transform our minds. One thing I can promise you is that if you read this book with an extremely healthy dose of the Bible mixed with prayer and connection to the Holy Spirit within you Rob Bell will not be able to brainwash you with his wit and charm. Test and hold fast to what is good.

Ok, now that I have stepped down from my soapbox I will proceed. There is a LOT to unpack from this book. As I said earlier, I am extremely conflicted. One thing I cannot deny is that Rob Bell has done his homework. He has studied far more scripture and Biblical history than I have so I will not pretend to refute or support his assertions at this time. Nor do I want to cheapen his position by giving you a “spark notes” version of his book. If you haven’t read Love Wins, but are remotely interested enough to read my posts, go buy a copy and take the time to read it.

One reason that I am extremely happy that I found this book is that I honestly have pitifully small amount of knowledge on a subject as critical as life after death. For most of my life I have simply accepted the “public relations” version of heaven and hell. By this I mean the version that I heard in evangelical America growing up in Sunday School, private junior high and high school, a somewhat Christian university, and finally my years in ministry. As I read this book my indoctrination on the subject kept jumping out and pushing back against Bell’s words. The problem is, I am having a hard time discerning between what I have heard the Bible says and what I know the Bible says. These are very, very different concepts. I am not saying that what I have heard is necessarily wrong therefore making Bell right. I am simply admitting that I need to ingest a serious amount of scripture and study on the matter.

So, though I am not an expert nor an authority on the subject, I still want to share my initial impressions. First, Rob Bell uses a ton of scripture, far more, in fact than many of the rebuttals I have read. Second, if we are being honest, scripture can, at times, be very confusing and even appear to contradict itself at times. I must emphasize APPEAR. I strongly believe that if we could understand everything the Bible has to say on our own earthy powers of deductive reasoning we wouldn’t have much need for the Holy Spirit. The Bible was meant to be mysterious, timeless, cultural, ethereal, tangible, nebulous, precise, and wonderful. It is all of these things and more. Again, you are going to get tired of hearing me say this, but this why the Holy Spirit is so crucial. We quite frankly need His help and guidance.

traditionally heaven/hell = separate places

Ok, enough dancing…here is my first impression. Rob Bell’s position is fantastic and utopian. It presents a Jesus and God that I REALLY want to have a relationship with. The question is what if he is wrong? Do I still want a relationship with that God? Rob Bell says no. The basic premise of the book, as I understand it, is that there is a heaven and hell but they are drastically different than what the majority of Christians stand behind. Rob Bell believes that there is no “last chance.” Essentially, if I am understanding him correctly, even after a life of sin and rejection of God, the door (or gates) will remain open after death. Love will always win in the end.

Hell is, as Rob Bell describes it, not a separate place from heaven but the same location. Keep listening. Bell uses the story of the prodigal son to describe hell. It’s not the devastation of the son who has blown the money or eating pig food. It is the party. Or more specifically it is the place just outside the party where the “other” son is hanging out, mad at God. Bell describes hell as “our refusal to trust God’s retelling of our story” (170) and “refusing to trust” (175). However, in Bell’s view hell is not eternal. Love can still triumph. In his retelling of the prodigal son, he points out that the Father still invites the “other” son to enter the party. The implication, in Bell’s retelling, is that the son will enter the party when he is ready to accept God’s love and Divine wisdom.

I need more time to reflect on what I have read so that I can present a more clear picture and understanding of Bell’s positions. Today’s post was more about my initial impressions on the book. Over the next several posts I plan to look at his concepts of heaven, hell, and God in more detail.

Before I close, I want to share my primary pushback on Bell’s underlying premise to the entire book: that a God who loves like He says He does could not possibly condemn someone to a life of torture. I would make the argument that if you disagree with Bell on this you acknowledge that God does not condemn anyone to torture. To say that is to take the responsibility off of us, the sinner. If my son, Carter, were to go on a killing spree while he was in his twenties I would not shelter him from the consequences of his actions. It would absolutely break my heart to watch him sentenced to life in prison or even the death penalty. Part of me would die with him. I can’t imagine an anguish that is greater. However, I did not condemn him by refusing to help him escape justice. His choices would have condemned himself. There will come a point when I will have to love him enough to let him choose his actions…and consequences. Let’s say I choose the opposite. I lock him in his room, take away his ability to choose right and wrong, and protect him from the possibility of earthly consequence. Is that love? No, that is tyranny, dictatorship, abuse of power.

My question to Rob Bell is, does it make God evil to give us the freedom that we so love…the freedom to choose our own path? No, I say that is the ultimate love and sacrifice. In the typically accepted view of heaven and hell that Bell opposes justice wins. Every time. So does love.

Again, this is my initial pushback, though I realize that my thoughts are not nearly as eloquent or well researched. So…my first impression of Love Wins is that I really like it. Not necessarily because I agree with it, but because it has accomplished what I think every Christian book should accomplish. It has pushed me further into scripture and dependency on the Holy Spirit. For that I thank you, Rob Bell.

I will continue to wrestle with this book on this blog. I also encourage you to push back on Rob Bell and my blog as well. However, as Christ followers and examples of His love, we should have the ability to read, disagree, and never lose the ability to love each other through our disagreements. Don’t follow the commands of 1 Corinthians 16:13 without also including the command of 1 Corinthians 16:14.

13 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. 14 Let all that you do be done in love. – 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

What are your thoughts?

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January 19, 2012

Conflict Revolution

By Ben Denen

01.19.12 – Conflict Revolution

Conflict resolution. Is there anything we’d rather avoid more? It’s uncomfortable. It’s awkward. And there is always the chance that at the end, I might have to admit I was wrong. Yuck.

One of the things that can tear apart a ministry the fastest is dissension. It is the great neutralizer. Unresolved conflict will grow like a cancer. It never goes away, but typically we treat it like we wish it would.

The Bible is certainly not silent on this subject. However, the answer the Bible gives is far more detailed than a simple “forgive and forget.” The primary place to look in the Bible for detailed instructions on how to deal with conflict resolution is Matthew 18. Here is the account:

15“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. ’ 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. – Matthew 18:15-17 (NIV)

Now, as my pastor pointed out brilliantly to me this past week, look closely at the passages that come before and after this section. It’s the story of the lost sheep and unforgiving debtor. This is incredibly insightful and important. The parable of the lost sheep is about a shepherd relentlessly seeking out the lost, and the parable of the unforgiving debtor is about forgiving others in a radical way, as Christ has forgiven us. This is important because these two parables shed further light on the passage of scripture mentioned above.

Let’s look at the steps presented in 15-17.

  1. First go directly to the person who sins against you.
  2. If that doesn’t work, take someone with you to bear witness.
  3. If that doesn’t work take it to the church.
  4. If that doesn’t work treat them as a pagan or tax collector.

Notice that nowhere in here does it say, “take it to Facebook” or “rally as many people to your side as possible.” Let’s look at each step that it actually describes.

Step 1: Go directly. This is the first step and a difficult one. This is the one most often avoided, yet I have found that when this step is taken first, most conflict ends. I dread this step, yet it is incredibly powerful. When you start with gossip or any of the other steps walls and defenses are erected and the conversations begin with someone already offended.

Step 2: Bring someone as a witness. Notice it doesn’t say “bring someone as another battering ram.” This step is supposed to only come in as a follow-up to step 1. The one-on-one has happened and conflict still exists. I often wonder how much that second party is supposed to talk or interact. It just says, “as a witness.” Typically a witness is a silent observer. This is an interesting step and one that I rarely employ. Often, I have seen this step followed more like this: Go and talk to a pastor or leader who will go with you and resolve the situation as holy peacemaker. Usually, the pastor or leader is expected to do all the talking. I don’t see a ton of evidence for this (though I do believe that I need to further research this point).

Step 3: Tell the Church. This is a tough one to understand. Does this mean reserve some bulletin space? Does it mean making a public announcement or sending out a mass email? Does it mean taking it to the elders? I’m not entirely sure how to read this one. I do know that step 4 informs step three when it comes to motive.

Step 4. Treat them like a pagan or tax collector. (i.e. treat them like an unbeliever) Here is where the two parables really bring clarification. I have heard this passage taught that if you reach this step we cut them off and move on with life. I have certainly seen evidence of this. However, how does this fit at all with how we are instructed to treat the lost? Do we ever “cut off” the lost? We are called to treat unbelievers with incredible amounts of love. We are called to seek the lost and forgive in radical ways, even if the world says that they don’t deserve our forgiveness. Think about it, this step is how Christ treated us when He died on the cross. He saw us as unbelievers covered in filth and said, “I choose you.” How can we, as Christ followers, treat anyone any worse than that?

Conflict resolution is messy and uncomfortable. However, it is a critical component of being a Christian. People will hurt you. You will hurt others. It is a fact of life. Christ commands us to follow His steps towards resolving this conflict. If in the end, there is no resolution, then we are to continue the process of loving like Christ. There is not a point where it is ok to slander, gossip, and hold grudges. That is not how Christ treats us; therefore, it is not how a Christ follower treats others. What would our churches look like if we actually practiced these four steps? What would our families and friendships look like?

How has Matthew 18 played out in your life? What has worked? What have you struggled with? Do you have someone that you need to practice these principles with?

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January 17, 2012

Mixed Messages

By Ben Denen
what happened to the McCafe???

Well, McDonald’s, you just lost four potential weekly customers. Your mixed message has driven us away. You hooked us with your “coffee house” appeal, but failed to deliver “coffee house hospitality.” I am quite disappointed.

As I have mentioned several times on this blog, every Sunday I go out to lunch with three teenage guys that I am mentoring. We always pick a place that serves lunch so that we can eat while we talk. Our meetings take about 60-90 minutes. I realize that this is a long time to “loiter” so we try to pick places that are designed for this type of meeting space. “Coffee houses” that serve food are our preferred destination. We have been frequenting McDonald’s of late because of their changeover to the McCafe style of restaurant. I figured that since they boast free WiFi and an obvious coffee house environment this was a good choice. They get the repeat business of hungry teenage boys and we get a meeting place. I also chose this location because it is nearly empty every Sunday afternoon. All this changed this past Sunday.

Since we started meeting there a sign has gone up. The picture at the top of this post is of this new sign. It reads: “No loitering please. Time Limit: 30 minutes.” Doesn’t this just scream hospitality? Here’s my beef (sorry for the pun): don’t market yourself as a coffee house if you don’t want people to act like it’s a coffee house.

coffee house or not???

Take a look at the picture to the right. McDonald’s is obviously trying to capitalize on a customer’s expectations of a coffee house. Mood lighting, hard-wood floors, and artsy and inviting seating abound. They are doing everything they can to look like a StarBucks. Now, I’m going to guess that the people who came up with this concept have visited a coffee house in their time and are aware of the fact that people go to coffee houses to spend time, not just order coffee. They chose to replicate this feel, yet they are sending a mixed message. “We are a coffee house, but don’t treat us like a coffee house.”

Now, no one on staff at McDonalds said anything to us while we were meeting, but I have decided to no longer bring my students there. If they don’t want us, we don’t want them. This really got me thinking. Are we guilty of doing the same thing as a church, as a youth ministry? Are we sending mixed messages?

Let’s be honest, we market ourselves as a friendly, loving community. Many churches, mine included, even have a coffee house in our building. Yet, we all know that there are sins that are “ok” to put out there and sins that must remain hidden. I recently watched the movie, “To Save a Life” with my students. In one scene, the senior pastor calls the youth pastor into his office and informs him that he is not comfortable with a pregnant teen and her boyfriend being around the youth group. My reaction was where on earth do we want these students if not with the church?

Many churches are guilty of practicing this philosophy, if not with their words, with their actions. Look around the room this Sunday and you will see evidence of sin. Gluttony, hypocrisy, and other sins are obvious. We are “ok” with these sins in the sense that people who are living in them feel comfortable walking into our churches. I am 25 pounds overweight. I regularly over-eat. I feel totally accepted at my church. However, there are other sins deemed “unworthy”. Do drunkards, homosexuals, and teenage mothers feel welcome in your church? What about someone who had an affair or raped someone in their past? How about the divorced or the drug addicts?

My point is not to say that all sin should be accepted. I believe firmly in moral absolutes. My question is simply, are your ministries a place for those struggling with sin or those who have overcome it? One of my friends, Keith, pointed out last week that Jesus is referred to hanging out with sinners and tax collectors in the present tense. They were not “reformed” they were sinners. Now, Jesus never hid the truth, but He spoke it in such love that practicing sinners still felt comfortable in His presence. Are we all that welcoming to “sinners”? How can we not be? We are all sinners (present tense). If we decided to clean out the “sinners” from our churches, well, there wouldn’t be anyone left.

As a ministry leader my hope is to send clear messages of truth. I don’t want to say one thing but clearly market another. Just as I will not return to the false “McCafe” with my mentor group, there are many teenagers who will not return to church because of the mixed message they see. Let us be better than that. Let us live like Christ, speaking and living the truth of Christ’s love.

1 comment   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Jesus

January 16, 2012

Las week in review…

By Ben Denen

Every Monday I will recap the posts of the previous week in case you missed any.

my favorite pic from last week...

Last week (01/17 – 01/20)

  • I shared my story of a woman eavesdropping on my conversation at Wendy’s with a few students that I am mentoring. This post looked at the benefits doing ministry in public.
  • I looked at what a pain our bodies can be when one part decides to do it’s own thing, and I compared this to the Body of Christ and the effects of a lack of unity.
  • I looked at my personal ministry rule of spending more nights at home every week than at work. By doing this it helps me keep my focus on the fact that I am a father and husband first, ministry leader a distant second.
  • I posted a short thought on the value of knowing the Gospel.

As always, thank you for reading my blog. My hope is not that you always agree with me, but that my thoughts will challenge you and help you grow, and likewise, your responses will do the same for me.

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January 13, 2012

The Gospel Revolution – Part 1

By Ben Denen

This post will be short because I have a very busy day ahead of me getting ready to spend time with students all weekend at a retreat.  This retreat is all about the Gospel, what it means, and how we can reveal it to others. This is my second year doing this retreat, and honestly it is the highlight of my ministry calendar. I have fallen completely in love with sharing the Gospel.

This all started about  a year and a half ago. A student asked me what the Gospel was. I fumbled around with my answer and what I presented was neither passionate or really all that comprehendible. I realized at that moment that I did not know the Gospel as well as I should have, not just as a youth leader, but as a lover of Christ. The Gospel is more than just mere facts on a tract. It is transformational, revolutionary, and epic.

I am going to close this post with a couple of questions.  Do you know the Gospel? The world if full of false gospels. If you do not truly know the Gospel, how will you know what is fake and what is real?

In the next couple of weeks I will try to get a couple of students to share there answers to these questions on my blog.

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January 12, 2012

A Husband and Dad First

By Ben Denen

enjoying some family time...

In a previous post a couple of months back I shared the following statistics about the effects of ministry burnout on families:

  • The clergy has the second highest divorce rate among all professions.
  • 25% don’t know where to turn when they have a family or personal conflict or issue.
  • 25% of pastors’ wives see their husband’s work schedule as a source of conflict.
  • 40% of pastors and 47% of spouses are suffering from burnout, frantic schedules, and/or unrealistic expectations.
  • 80% of pastors say they have insufficient time with their spouse.

There’s no question that working in ministry life can cause strain on a marriage and family. Youth workers in particular tend to work very irregular hours and feel the pressure to always be “on call.” One of the by-products of this “always on” society is that a youth worker is always a text message, email, or phone call away from a student. This can be a good thing. Student now have very easy access to their mentors and leaders. However, as my wife so appropriately pointed last week, just because I receive a message at the dinner table doesn’t mean I have to answer it.

I find it absolutely disgusting that the clergy experiences the second highest divorce rate of any profession. This raises so many questions. Shouldn’t spiritual leaders keep God at the center of their marriages? Shouldn’t the church do a better job of protecting their leaders from themselves? Where is the support for those expected to be supporters?

A few years ago I attended a youth leader conference at Willow Creek. In a session titled “Protecting the Home-front” youth ministry legend, Bo Boshers shared some incredibly practical advice about protecting your families as a ministry leader. Today I’d like to highlight one in particular. Boshers lived by the following maxim that shaped his work week and ministry: always spend more nights at home with the family than at church. This means that at minimum 4 out of every 7 nights must be spent at home.

After hearing this, I immediately adopted it as my own. Since then, I have done everything in my power to live by this. I added another maxim to this. Always spend 1/2 of the weekend with my family. Now, both of these goals are slightly flexible. There are going to be ministry seasons that require me to spend an extra night at work or a rare Saturday on a retreat. However, for the most part I have been able to keep 4 nights and Saturdays for my family. Let me tell you, I have had to fight hard to keep these free.

Why is this so important to me? Well, my family needs to get more than just the leftovers. I know that there are all kinds of incredible ministry opportunities that I could pursue if I sacrificed one more night or half of my Saturdays. The thing is, I don’t get that time back. There will always be more ministry opportunities. Students will always get another chance to hang out with me. My family, however, gets one dad and one husband.

At times I have paid the price for this. Some parents have complained that I don’t offer as many activities as other youth groups. I have ruffled feathers saying no to many well-meaning people. However, I strongly believe that my family is more important than my ministry. I don’t always model this belief in the way that I should, but Christ expects nothing less than my devotion to Him and my family second. Ministry must be a distant third.

Often, when I feel the pressure to cave in and give up another night I am reminded that I am a role model and example to my students of what a father and husband should look like. Yes, adding another ministry night could help a student grow spiritually, but in doing so I am modeling that my family is not all that important on my priority list. Perhaps the best “Bible study” or “mentoring opportunity” I can provide my students is being an example of Biblical parenting and living as a Godly husband.

If you are in ministry, either as a volunteer or paid worker, I can’t encourage you enough to put your family first. Study after study shows that what we do carries more weight with our students than what we say. They need to see leaders that embrace their roles as parents and spouses with a passion. They need to see that saying no is sometimes the best form of leadership.

What are some of the other ways that we can protect the home-front?

that's one way to remember your priorities...

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January 11, 2012

What a Pain

By Ben Denen

beware of the "evil back devil" also known as turning 30

After a decent amount of research into the subject I have decided that I am not a fan of pain. It’s no good. On Monday I was enjoying my day off with my wife and son. Normally I head into Starbucks to work on homework and my writing, but I was pretty well ahead so I decided to hang with the family. Things were going quite well when all of a sudden I went from happy to in excruciating pain. The source of this debilitating pain was what I, as an amateur doctor (hey, I watch House and Bones so I’m down with anatomy) determined to be a pinched nerve. Again, let the record show that I was and am still not a fan.

I’m used to back issues, but this is a new pain. It feels like someone is stabbing me just to the right of my left shoulder blade. It’s brutal. When I awoke this morning with the pain still very much present I decided to head into work. I figured I was going to be miserable either way so I might as well be productive. I found myself having a very hard time concentrating and doing anything worth talking about. Finally, I gave in at 3:00, returned home, and crawled into bed.

The frustrating thing about pain is that it usually emanates from one small part of my body. I mean, come one, my body is made up of many parts. Why can’t my brain function at work when my shoulder blade says, “nah…I’ll take today off”? As I laid in bed in my misery (ok, now I’m milking it) I started thinking about the Bible’s description of the Church as the Body of Christ. I look around and see a Body in pain.  Sure, the Body is being relatively productive all things considered, but there is pain and distraction having a hey-day with Christ’s body. Why is that?

When I type the word “church” into the Maps app on my iPhone a bevy of red pins fill the screen. My community is covered in churches. Yet, despite the plethora of unchurched people in my community, many if not most seats remain empty every Sunday. Why is this? What is wrong with the Body?

Why are so many churches struggling to pay their bills? Why is hunger even remotely an issue in America? Why are our jails filled with people lacking visitors? Why are families disintegrating at alarming rates? Why are there children suffering in loneliness and darkness on the streets and in corrupt foster homes?

America, the richest and most church-heavy country in the world is in trouble. Why is the Church so ineffective at leading people to the answer? One could point out the pockets of ministries doing an amazing job. However, to go back to my analogy from earlier my tongue did a pretty good today. I didn’t drool. I tasted everything I wanted to taste. Heck, my tongue did a pretty stellar job. Despite the mega-star job of my tongue today, my body was still crippled by that one nerve in my back. Much in the same way, the Body of Christ is crippled by that one church, that one part deciding to do its own thing.

Consider Paul’s words on the subject:

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” (1 Corinthians 12:12, 18-21 NIV)

The Bible is is pretty clear, yet perhaps one of the most “outside-the-box” thing a ministry can do is actually choose to work with other churches in their community. Let’s be honest. How many churches actually operate as if they need the church up the street?

What would happen if the Body worked together? For the most part my body worked well together today. All it took was that one nerve to ruin my day and my effectiveness. The problem is, we usually always assume that we are the ones working ok. It’s “that left arm” that just won’t cooperate. I wonder what would happen if every church decided they were the ones that needed to start working with the rest of the body? I call it the “other guy” syndrome. Every church says it’s the “other guy” that is the problem. So…we just go about our normal routine, ignoring the hand up the street. Meanwhile the Church is slowed by pinched nerves, pulled muscles, and ligament strains from every appendage pulling the body in different directions.

Today was a day that I had the privilege of experiencing what happens when my body decides to stop working correctly. It was frustrating and annoying. Is that how the Head of the Body feels about me when I am off doing “my own thing?” What am I missing out on? Has the pain that I am causing the Body become so common that I don’t even know what a glorious pain-free day feels like? Like it or not, the Church doesn’t not have the luxury of splitting into individual factions who have little to do with each other. A body that won’t unite is a body in pain.

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